Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Back, kind of

I wasn't going to post until I had good news to share, but I don't really know when that will be, so I just decided to post because I had been kind of wanting to.

Some difficulties with my employment situation have made me strongly question a career in the law.  Everyone in my women's mentor circle is miserable in private practice, and my work in government has shown me problems there, too.  I used to believe that I wanted to be a career clerk, but I now know that that career is neither desirable, nor really possible.  But I'm almost 30 years old and my career is unsettled.  That kind of feels like a failure.

I have thought long and hard about what I really want to do with this life of mine.  I truly value my free time, hobbies, and part-time jobs.  I do not think that my decision to attend law school was a very good one, so I do not feel compunction about going down a path where a J.D. is not required.  In fact, based on my personal gut feeling about the jobs I have been applying to lately, I am done with the law entirely.

Today I had an interview that was quite possibly my last interview with a law firm, ever.  I was not excited about the work, and the billable hour minimum requirement was higher than I'd ever even heard of.  I realized that even if I was offered this job, I would not take it.  I wish I could say that I stood up and left right there and then, but I waited until tonight and sent them an e-mail to withdraw my candidacy.  That felt pretty good.

I've got some items in the works, and I'm currently temping at a fun position with a fun company.  I really hope that I'm able to break into a new career soon, and I've got a lot of pending applications and contacts.  I don't want to say anything to jinx it, because I have a lot of ups and downs in the last few months.  But to cheer myself up, and as a sort of personal mantra, I thought I'd list some things that are crappy, along with reasons I'm thankful anyway.

First and foremost, my dad is sick with leukemia again and needs another bone marrow transplant this summer.  This has been a constant source of worry for my family.  BUT...  At least he is still here.  I can still pick up a phone and call my dad, or drive an hour south to see him, and that is something that a lot of people wish they could say.

Second, I realize that my time in the law has had its ups and downs, and sometimes it has felt like a huge mistake and waste of time and money.  BUT...  I don't know if I'd be considering the really exciting and valuable jobs that I'm applying for now if I hadn't been down like I have been down.  And, I am thankful to have the really great part-time gigs that I have.  Teaching crochet and knitting classes has been a really great time for the last five years, and I'd like to continue into the indefinite future.

And finally, some of my friends' marriages have been falling apart, which really sucks.  These are people whose weddings I attended.  BUT...  I still have a strong relationship with Dave, and more than any professional goal, I have always sought to have a loving relationship with a man like him.

I am lucky.

1 comment:

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