Quotes from Evidence

OK, so this might be a little late, but here are my humorous quotes from evidence, a class with Professor Cavise (who I had first year for criminal law). He is a really funny, really intense man, and I enjoyed these quotes greatly. (FYI, I had no quotes from business organizations or estate and gift tax...guess those professors are just not as funny as Cavise.)

“It’s hard to imagine how [R. Kelly] could be defamed, but if he can be defamed, I don’t want to be the one doing it.”

“God, mother, the flag, apple pie, and JURIES!” (on judges’ loyalty)

“Some people throw up. Some people have systematic problems.” (on going to trial)

“Severed hands would be ‘real evidence.’”

“I’ve told my children many times that I was going to kill them.”

“They heard it. Cat’s out of the barn.”

“Solomon, how do you get 3,000 years of good press out of something that’s a no-brainer??”

“Maybe people who are committing suicide, if they don’t try it more than once a year, they’re not really trying...”

“They think lawyers read these things, but we don’t. All that fine print? It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m glad the BeeGees are gone, I don’t even know about Billy Ray Cyrus.”

“There used to be a time where we would regulate things like airplane companies, and banks, and mortgage companies, and oil companies. That’s before your time, we don’t do things like that anymore, but if it ever happens again, where we start regulating... Yes we can.”

“I haven’t seen your LSATs, but I think you’re smarter than the average juror.”

“Who takes their clothes off first? I forget.”

“What if she’s 27 years old? It’s time for the first time, don’t you think?”

“You’re more suckers for Bud Light commercials and things.”

“I’ve got a couple of sons that are walking cases of negligent entrustment.”

“Who’s the new Mother Theresa? The Pope! There you go.”

“Governor Ryan didn’t testify; he put eight character witnesses on. He’s in the penitentiary.”

“Everybody knows a bar named ‘The Varsity!’”

“I was toast then, and I’m toast now.”

“Our main weapon is our mouth, and we use this to fight people with.”

“I’m going to be honest with you...” – Jody

“No, lie to me.” – Cavise

“They don’t know the Dead Man’s Act from a delicatessen.”

“And then the dead guy got dead.”

“It’s a sick business, I’ll tell ya.” (on the law)

“Love is nothing if it’s not a bias.”

“I don’t think they allow black people in Dubuque.”

“We went to law school, we didn’t go to science school.”

“That is the outer limits of pure fun.”

“I...had a couple of Diet Cokes, so you may have to slow me down.”

“This conversation is getting too touchy-feely for me.”

“I have been in the hospital before, and I can tell you, you are never excited. Downed out, more like it. They put it in the food!”

“I’m a recovering Catholic.”